Part 3: Feelings

I’ve written enough now for you to know that I’ve felt really good the majority of the time through this so I don’t think I need to do a step by step summary but I did want to tell you of a couple times I felt really sad/scared and some times that I felt blessed.

There were two specific moments that stand out in my mind of the times I did cry. The first one was when I went for the mammogram and the dr came in and said “This looks really bad. we’re sending you for a biopsy” That was my confirmation of what this was and I thought I was going to throw up, pass out or bawl. I cried in the waiting room that day waiting for my biopsy to be booked as I was scared of the unknown. The next time was one day when I watched my husband struggle through this and I thought about him being left here to do life without me. That part has been pretty tough when I allow myself to think about those who would miss me if I died. Thinking about my husband not having his wife, my children not having their mom, my parents watching their baby girl go to heaven before them…the list goes on. I just don’t allow myself to go there because I know God has the best plan in the big picture even if it hurts for a while.

The rest of the time, I’ve really been able to enjoy the process (minus the sickness of chemo, the pain after surgery and the annoyance of radiation burns/dressings.😉) It’s been one of the most relaxing, joyful, exciting times of my life. I’m just excited about life! And I’m so grateful for all the blessings I’ve seen and felt along the way. I was hugely blessed to have help with everyday life, to spend a lot time with my husband, to have seen answered prayers, to see God’s people using their gifts, to have had opportunities I otherwise wouldn’t have had to tell people about how great God is and how he’s helped me through this, to feel Him speak to me in a real and powerful way,  to have seen how my journey has helped others, the opportunity teach my children about being selfless and having compassion, to be able to rest and have a lot of time to myself to reflect, pray, write and study Gods word, and to have a lot of time with our families. It’s been a great year and full of good feelings about life, love and God.

I actually made up a song about how I’ve been feeling. It’s very ametuer so don’t laugh but I’m going to put it in here anyways.

”Blessings”

It’s all I think about 

It’s your love given out

 I can’t contain myself 

‘Cause blessings 

Its my eternal hope

It’s your word that you spoke

Your peace and joy and hope

 

Oh Lord you’ve given me all I need 

you are my everything

My one eternal King 

oh Lord I’m grateful for my life 

This thorn is my only plight

I’m willing to fight the fight

 

‘Cause blessings 

are your gift that’s got me through 

This trial that I never knew

But you’re asking me to continue

‘Cause blessings 

I use to serve my king 

My gifts and offerings

I’ll always seek to bring

 

Thats it. I feel blessed!

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s